How does one know if she's 'the one'? What should I look for? How does one differentiate between a crush and love?
I've been pondering over these things for quite sometime now.... (I've nothing better to do!)... A friend of mine approached me with this problem of his.... Usually,I've got an advice for everything...! Pathetic, I know....! But his questions silenced me.... How does one find out if a girl he's been thinking about is worth the thought or not? If yes,what should he do about it?
Well... I don't know how a person can CHOOSE a girl to love...the whole idea seems opposite to the notion of love... But what I can try is set up parameters by which one can filter out the ones that he does not love...and the rest I think will automatically fall in place...
I maybe naive when I say this....but what a guy expects out of a girl is pretty much the same everywhere... At least among the people I know,I've found that their notions about an ideal mate is similar to each other... So here is a general idea...Do not sue me if I'm wrong....!
What does a guy expect out of a girl? A girl that he is attracted to....Physically,mentally, emotionally,spiritually(??).....two or more of the above criteria must hold....Only one? Then please forget it and move on...
Well I've kinda come up with a list...It's not exhaustive,but I guess it's sufficient.. Here's what a typical boy would expect from his would-be gal-
- She must continue to challenge him (Physically,mentally, emotionally,spiritually(??))... By this I mean that there are some qualities that he liked in her,these should hold for some time...
- She must make it comfortable for him to talk about personal issues without any awkwardness..
- She must be a likable person,not only for her close friends but her acquaintances as well... (This seems trivial but trust me it's important!)
- She must be ambitious to the extent of having a good life,for herself and her family... (call me chauvinistic,but guys aren't really drawn to overly ambitious girls...at least normal guys aren't) [I asked around...this was the general outlook]
- She must have a general happy approach to life and people... (This one's tricky coz I've never seen a gal who can hold on to this for long)
- She must have interests that are somewhat similar if not the same with those of the boy..
- Faith- Religious enough to respect necessary rituals
- Compassion- Not necessarily one who goes 'awww...!' on seeing a puppy on the road..
- Conversation- It get boring to talk to some people for even 5 mins... but some others can hold your rapt attention for hours.. Kinda helps in your old age if can have a low decibel conversation sometimes..
- Street smart/Worldly(as you'd like to put it!)- There must be a fair amount of understanding of the way the world functions.. It's kinda hard to live with one who has a 'rose-glasses' vision to everything..
What I would like from you is...(Yes YOU!.. the one who's reading this now...) a feedback in the form of a comment or another post by the co-authors.. Anything to augment this view of soul-mate searching... Although the post here was a restricted view with only a guy's perspective,it would really be awesome if I could get a girls point of view on this post and also, on the qualities they seek in their ideal mate...
hmm...and like i said this list isn't exhaustive... I wrote a large portion of this post a long time back... Then I made some omissions,some changes from my observations in the recent past and also, some helpful feedback from my friends... Thanks for sparing the time to read this...
10 comments:
This one is good. Got to know what guys (most of them) look for in a girl.
Now this is what i feel a girl looks for in a guy for him to be her soul mate. This may not be the case with many girls. It is just a personal view. Again not an exhaustive list.
1.He should respect her feelings. Not just brushing them off.
2.He should be sensitive enough to find out her likings. Small things matter a lot for girls.
3.The girl should feel comfortable when speaking to him without needing to worry what he thinks about her after the conversation. Basically she should be comfortable with him around, not get intimidated by him. If she gets intimidated, i dont think thats true love.
4.He should have a good sense of humor, if not great!
5.He should share atleast one common interest with her may be music, or sports, or books, or even outlook towards life. I know opposites attract, but not in this case!
6.He should look into her eyes when he is speaking to her, not anywhere else. Trust me, girls are really sensitive. They can catch your looks very soon.
7.He should be himself when she is around, not acting oversmart trying to attract girl's attention towards him.
8.Face does matter. So he must be handsome and goodlooking.
9.He should have good moral values in life.
10.But most important of all, he should love her for what she is and care for her.
@pooja
Hmm...Good to get to know your view on this... Good writeup ma..
First of all id like to say that you did a gr8 job by letting us know all those things and it was an interesting write too.Well u inspired me to write my views on this subject on my blog.Let me thank you ..nd since my write turned out to be pretty lenthy(shd i say exhausting)i thgt it would be better to post it on my blog rather than just as a comment...please bear with the inconvinience ;)
dude......i am gay...what do i do man..!?? :P :P :P
PS..are u AS JOBLESS AS I AM..!!?? HOW CAN U THINK ABOUT ALL THIS..!!??
@Nikhil
My sincere support to your new found true self....I do not know about gay love approaches and requirements though I'm hoping you could write a post throwing some light on this.. It'll make a great part 3 to this article.. he he..People blog about what they feel like (daily routine,bikes, literature,songs...etc) and my passion lies in getting to know human behavior better.. That's why this style of writing.. And thanks for the feedback dude..Will make some changes to future blog posts...
Good work!! You have given me lot of information!! Guess i have to work hard in this direction so that i fulfill all these expectations atleast in future:)) Anyways the line abt guys not liking overly abitious girls is really true!! What girls expect from guys can be summed up in a word as "SECURITY". This must be in all sense.. Mentally, physically, emotionally etc etc., When things go wrong at home or at her work place, she must immediately feel that 'Yes! My man is there for me and why should i worry?!' Any guy who makes her feel this way is her ideal match!!! ((This rarely happens though... he he))
@angelin
le..kalli...irli irli...
Hmmmmm.. and hmmmm again.. that sure was quite an intensive one.. and I must appreciate the analysis that must have gone into its making!! Well, I toatlly agree with the line "I don't know how a person can CHOOSE a girl to love...the whole idea seems opposite to the notion of love.."
Well, I live under this huge assumption ( atleast that is what I have always felt) that "love" gets way too mechanical (for want of a better word) when you go around looking for people who have the tags attached. What I mean to say is, no doubt it helps to have someone who understands you, whom you are comfy with, who is compassionate and has all the goody adjectives but then, literally "looking" for someone who fills in the slot by fulfilling the criteria is more like finding a life partner(whom you may not really love at all), but is that love? Call me impractical and insane but then isn't love all about getting to know a person and love him/her for what she/he is ( maybe the traits match your list) and inturn accept that person as your soulmate and your everything? Or is it just another of those pre-prepared lists of "what-I -look-for" that you carry about on invisible placards and view people as to whether they have them too? Would it be be love or just another quest for a partner? Agreed, that you will like ( love??) your partner but where is all that magic of oving when you have chosen the person based on what you felt makes you happy. I see it more as a self-appeasing drive. I mean, all you are doing is ensuring yourself some joy. Maybe I am making it sound bad, but then, I don't really think very highly of it ..love to me is what a mother shares with her child. Pure, simple with absolutely no prerequisites or constraints at all.Unconditional. A mother doesn't look for any trait. Maybe, you'd say that "that" is a different kind of love. But then, love isn't love when start categorizing it right? Ultimately the feeling is the same. You would do anything for the person you love. If love is what you feel when you meet people possessing most of the charateristics you are looking for, how does it explain failed "love marriages".. I mean, you were supposed to have "loved" the person, right? I don't know whether I have actually made any sense. Coz' I am like filled with words all at once :P We do hear the popular " Be practical.You think this is going to work?" and then you know it isn't exactly a very good question. You hardly think of all this when you fall in love. I agree that you have analysed and listed traits that usually have resulted in love but what I am trying to opine is that people don't necessarily rule out features in love. I mean, you just love a person. Every little thingy that goes in to their making, maybe. At times, you have people of totally opposite nature loving each other and staying content. And at times, you have people of very similar interests staying super happy with each other and still share the same love for each other. Love, I guess can never be defined. So much for all the above banter that made no sense, you'd say. And I still can't help loving these lines..
If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.
Love , I guess, is like that..
awesome one Pepps.. i guess when I started out this post it was to answer my friends question..and not attempting to define love itself...which I know is literally impossible.. Most,infact all of what you said made sense.. And I agree with you 100%.. But before u actually start liking a person, I guess there are some traits that you will look for.. Blind as love maybe,it still requires you to have a good look around... Most "Love at first sight" love occurences are brushed off as a crush or a fling for that reason...If U don't find anything solid to reason that this relation will hold,you will back put of it.. Inspite of what poets and dreamers worldwide opine,there's a lot of logic that goes into the initial stages of love.. Yeah,but once u're in love,it's all madness..
And that poem was too touchy.. Tussi bhi na... :)
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