Unforgettable..

 

 

"Today my journey back home seems longer than usual. Work was always drab, but nothing that a little music and a little solvent wouldn’t help dissolve. No, it wasn’t that. Today is the day I started hating my subconscious. Imagine the hate you have for the worst person you have known, now multiply that by a zillion times and you might be able to understand the hate I am feeling right now.

It is really ironical how some faces from the past get glued to our subconscious. Do you have that one face that haunts you in everything you do? As if parental critique wasn’t enough all your life as a kid, that once face that makes everything seem not good enough. When on certain mornings you wake up with a dream about this person, and you can’t face the mirror without the thought of shattering it several times. I have a good family, a loving wife, two adorable kids, then why does this face from the past haunt me?

It could not be that I’m not happy with my life, because I am. It is something else entirely. Someone has to find a way to switch off dreams because my mind is bordering on the psychotic. She is practically dead to me, she passed on a long while back, or so I believed. When was the last time you woke up with a dream that you were sure would come true? When was the last time you felt fear in each of your actions? I feel that every single day.  My workspace, my family, my morning jog, the evening mug – nothing is sacred anymore. She has taken over them all.

Dreams. They are said to be mind’s way of unwinding into a state resembling normality. Normal. That word does not even mean much for me anymore. I would gladly settle for ‘depressed’ right now. On my ride home, street lights pass me by with a constant tempo, sounds similar to a baseball bat hovering over my head. I am gripped with fear each time the bus stops, fearing a strong blow to my head. Maybe I should deal with it. A blow to the head is probably what I need.

Going home each day, I face my family with a smile so fake, it pains me to even bring it on. Years have passed, and I have slipped deeper and deeper into this dungeon of mine. No ray of hope, no voice to reassure me. Darkness shrouds me, darkness embraces me…"

 

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P.s: This is a fictional write up! A similar post is here. A movie set me on a thought process and I ended up imagining this. Do tell me what you make of it – problem, solution, criticism, anything.