The Pretenders....

Well, I've really hated this word and still never seemed to understand its true meaning... Till now that is...

Well,let's start off with the dictionary meaning of 'pretence' or 'pretense'(both are correct!)

pretence: The act of holding out, or offering, to others something false or feigned; presentation of what is deceptive or hypocritical; deception by showing what is unreal and concealing what is real; false show; simulation; as, pretense of illness; under pretense of patriotism; on pretense of revenging Caesar's death.

Now,I'm pretty sure that you've got a person in mind when you read the description above.... Let's try to do a character sketch of this person...

Start off by answering these questions....

• What acts can you remember that make you think of this person as a 'pretender'?
• Were those acts done to you and hence you've been offended?
• Or were they done to someone you know (either close or distant)?

And lastly,ask yourself..(and your self only!) Was it really apt to give him/her that tag or did I give in to anger or contempt?


If you answered 'Yes' to the last question, read on.... If you answered 'No'....please do read on...

We humans hardly have a clue to most of the things we do in life... We bask in the glory of being the most intelligible creatures on this planet and yet, commit blunders each day that bring shame to our sensibilities. That important task you missed, that interview answer that could've been answered better,that single gesture of gratitude that could've been shown,that exam that you could have studied for(!)........

What I'm trying to arrive at is that being human we're bound to make mistakes....This blog in its entirety should be named as "rememberyouarehuman.blogspot.com".. That has been my attempt at writing this blog....Why do we bother pointing fingers at others unclean images when we're no picture of divinity ourselves? No one, I mean.... NO ONE has the right to look down upon the acts of a person you dislike for a variety of reasons as being acts of pretence or falsehood...!

Few lines after I started this blog,I wanted to stop...Delete it or redo it some other day... But I remembered my true nature... It is obvious that I,like all humans,place myself on a pedestal of righteousness (whether you admit it or not!)... Standing on this pedestal it's quite easy for me to slot people as 'Right' and 'wrong', as 'True' and 'Pretence' and so on....It is a part of our sub-conscious to do this....

Recall all the events when you made a rash decision about a human and regretted it later... yeah...rings a loud bell doesn't it....? We do it without knowing abt it, without thinking abt it, hell...without even wanting to do it!!


NOTE :: I've reserved this blog for a few hand picked friends for the simple reason that my thoughts should not be misconstrued to be something that they are not.. I'm not trying to be a philosopher or a psychologist or a psychiatrist.... I'm just expressing my thoughts... I'd like you to read them as you'd read any article unbiased by the fact about the author.. Any feedback, positive or negative is welcome... I mean that..

Hoping to get some input on the posts from you guys soon... I need to know if this is a common thought pattern or is it just things my mind is concocting... Thanks for reading...

Finding solutions...

Fights among friends and wars among bitter-foes are as common as oxygen in air. People fight all the time,and more often than not,for reasons that they don't seem to remember for long! So is there any sense in trying to solve this regular occurrence? Why do people try and solve conflicts between 2 common friends?

Well,starting out with the concept of a fight...Well,I guess fight's too strong a word to use,dispute is more like it(but longer!!)...Anyways these disputes occur for various reasons- misunderstanding, lack of communication, unsupportive acts, seemingly disloyal acts,changing affiliations,an angry act that triggers off a a sequence of other catastrophic events in the personal lives of the people concerned. I think I've covered it all...At least I've covered all that I think is worth talking about...

Now,apart from these people that fight,there's a second class of people...The mediators...Needless to say,these people are common friends to both parties involved and hence try to keep their relationship at an amicable level.This involves a lot of work! Some direct,some indirect,some manipulative,some hurting, but the purpose of these actions is finally to resolve the dispute..come what may!

Everyone falls in the 'fighters' category,and a chosen few into the 'mediator' category.Which makes it all the more difficult for others to see why these mediators even want to resolve a fight? I'm sure you've wondered at some time or the other why people intervene in fights between two people? Isn't it their private matter?

I'm happy for people who think this way...because they're wrong!

For a stranger to intervene in a dispute is indeed suspicious,but when a friend does this,there is nothing 'private' about it. The relation between the fighters goes to a large extent in determining their relations with other friends. And this is crucial to a mediator as he wants to make sure that everyone here is kept happy and misunderstanding is kept at bay.

So is there always a fair resolution of conflict? Do all parties involved always find a solution that they will all agree upon? Nope....Always? NO.. When a mediator gets to see both points of view,he may find one view more appealing/true
(whatever the case may be) than the other... This maybe because he is biased towards a certain close friend or feels that one is more 'moral' than the other...What I'm trying to arrive at is that,sometimes a fair solution is not possible.. But that's where the two fighters must pitch in!

One may have to make a bigger compromise than another in a fight.Funny thing is....that each fighter believes he/she made the bigger compromise.. So who's right? Who needs to apologise first? Who was wrong initially? Who made the bigger compromise? Who needs to be given more respect?

Does it even matter?? Goddammit...Finish the fight..Deal with it..Forget reasons and blame games and other trivial things. IF you think there's anything worth keeping the other party as a friend (think impartially here!),then do it...
Else,forget all of this and find some other friend. Period.

Keep the ego aside for a while and think about the necessity of this friendship to both you and the other party. You don't have to go the whole way,but you must cover some distance too!

Before I end this post,I'd like to leave you with this thought....
"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step!"

Do it...