Words

 

The broken windows of the room let a cold, dark air sweep through. He sat there, alone. He only awaited the next cold wave. To awake him, to make him move. Wave after wave, cold breezes gushed at him and broke against his slouched frame. He did not move though.

Her words resonated in his ears. Words that are seldom used to describe a person you love. Words that are used one at a time but in his case, were used all at once. Words and phrases like 'complacent', 'lazy','wasted potential', 'never took risks', 'unmotivated', among many others. Like a statue should remember the cuts that chipped away the most stone, he recalled these phrases as the ones that hurt most.

Another cold gust swept through the room. A chill ran through him and the hair on his arms stood up to protest it. His thoughts, though, remained with that morning. She had moved away. She packed her bags that morning and left the house, but somehow she had moved away much before that. He did not blame her. She deserved a better life, and the man she now loved, would provide that life.
He looked out of the broken window pane. A frail tree in the distance was swinging violently with the gusts of wind. With each toss, the tree seemed to get weaker. It was as though it had given up, and was now only waiting for the final blow that strikes it down. They were much akin, him and this tree. He recalled the last happy moment he spent with her. It seemed so long ago. One weekend, she had come home with a packet of cake mix. She wanted to learn to bake. The look on her face that day was worth a man's life in hell, if that's what it cost. Her eyes beamed, her words did not stop flowing, her hands were trembling with excitement and her voice oscillated between varying tones of energy. It seems so long ago now.

The streetlights outside his window flickered with the cold wind. He did not realize that he had been sitting in the dark. He also did not realize that he had left the radio on. A voice echoed through the room. It was another song, but somehow it was not just any other. Tear drops rushed to his eyes as if to distract the memories that were conjured up in his mind now. He brushed them away; he had to.

The cold air was getting severe by the minute. He cupped his head in his exasperated hands and took a deep breath,  filling up cold air in his lungs. He arose from the seat with a jerk, and mindlessly went to the storeroom. He returns with a hammer and a small plank. Deftly, and carefully, he nails the plank to cover the hole in the window pane. He switches on the lights and the heater. He walks up to a desk and writes "Complacent, Lazy, Wasted potential, Never took risks, Unmotivated" on a piece of paper. He pins it on the wall above the desk. Life, as he knew it, would not be the same ever again.

 

…

A Tale of 3 Letters

 

 

Dear M,

My beloved, fair M. I miss you so much it hurts my heart with a pain beyond the shrapnel bits that the enemy has lodged in me. I ache to live a day more that I may reach you safe. Each day my arms cry out for more strength that I may reach you and hold you in my embrace. We are in the wrong times, M. There is nothing I want more than to someday raise the kids we will have, on a quiet farmyard, with your love and warmth guiding my days.

Wars are a cruel and unjust means of politics, M. So many men shed their blood, and to what avail? To allow a bench of narrow-minded, deep-pocketed bureaucrats to live better? It is hard to watch my men being demoralized at the hands of this travesty my love. My love for you is only superseded by my love for my country, and it still is a battle that rages on. The only hope I have is to end this war and come home to you.

Oh, how the days pass by M.. It seems years ago that I last saw you, and I keep hurting within. I keep praying that the scars of the war do not erase my visage from your heart. For now and ever more, I have only loved you with every nerve in my body. Even now, frail and battered by the beating of the battle I return from, my heart still beats your name. M. I remember the time when we walked up the fields on the river banks. It was nearing twilight. For years, I have travelled the world and have seen many wondrous things, but I cannot ever recall seeing anything as wonderful and beauteous as your visage that day. I can remember it like it happened yesterday. Oh, the agony of passing hours, M. I kept hoping and praying for the hours to pass by slower so I may walk with you for a little longer. Your gentle, caring hands in my strong hands, clasped ever so firm that I should never let go. And I will never let go, M.

The beating of time is hard, no matter what the outcome of this war, we shall all be beaten. There is an uncanny sense of guilt to being here. While my heart is at guilt being away from the woman who inhabits my senses, my mind is at war with the reasons for being here for more time. I do not know these enemies anymore than they know me. Someone among them may be writing a letter this moment to their love as I am writing this moment. Yet tomorrow, at the break of day, we shall fight each other till one of us no longer lives. I despise being in this war M.

There are a few hours to daybreak, and I must return to rest for the day ahead. I could not rest until I wrote to you my love. The war’s end is nearing. Sometime soon, this will all be over, and we shall be one again. I hope you will await me as I run across the fields to your door. I hope to walk with you once more along the river banks, hand in hand for days at a stretch, if time would let us be. Until that day, M, hope is all we have. And love.. Strong, abundant and loyal love. Take care of my love, M.

Yours  forever,

J.

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My eternal love J,

I received your letter today and it is still with moist eyes that I focus on the words I now write. It pains me to spend each moment away from you, hoping and wishing for your return. I pine in the moments that bring your memories to flood my thoughts, because there are so many memories of you, and so many fond ones. I wish it were easier, I wish I was stronger to endure this separation in time.

The weather has turned gloomier than ever before. It has been 3 months since I last saw you. The light dancing off your face when you left that summer morning still haunts me, for I believe you took the light along with you. It is easier to know that each passing day brings me one day closer to being with you, but each hour passes by in count of that one day when you shall return. When will you return home, my love?

I pray each day for your life and my love. I pray for the battle wounds to heal quickly or pass their pain to me to endure. The pain of being without you has made me stronger to pain. With every news that comes into being, I pray that it has the end of war in its content. I await in open arms to the day you will return, my love.

Of course, I do remember that day, when we walked along the river bank. I had never felt such warmth in my hand before. It was as though the warmth was surreal, it was emanating from your strong loving heart. These are much colder days without you here. It is still summer, and yet neither its light nor warmth has ever been close in compare to your warmth, your light.

I know that the times are trying, my love. I wish it were easier for us both. We will persist on this path, for this is the path that similar kindred spirits have walked before us. Love is the quiet, soothing balm for a hundred wounds, and I pray that my love will soothe your wounds as your love soothes the hurt I harbor within me.

May Glory be yours and the Gods by your side. May the valiant strength of your arms strike down upon those that stand before the country that we both love so deeply. Now and forever more, I will be strong knowing how you will be safe because you will be guarded by your brethren as they will be guarded by you.

I will await with my ears to the ground, your mere footsteps shall awake my spirits and I shall run to meet you across the fields. Until then, guard thee well. And fight valiantly, my love.

Eternally yours,

M.

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---TELEGRAM----

Respected Madam,

It is with a heavy heart and a broken spirit that we write this to you. We regret to inform you that Col. J has passed into heavenly abode this morning.

The war has ended this morning, but has come with a severe loss to us. It was a death that he valiantly embraced. He fought for several hours, rallying around his men and guarding the honor of his country and his battalion. He fought till his last breath could. The country has lost one of its bravest sons and its finest soldier. He will be revered in our memories forever more.

Please accept our heartfelt condolences. Members of the battalion will escort Col. J and his possessions home by this Friday.

Maj.Gen. K

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24

 

What is the power of 24 hours? You can experience an entire array of emotions within 24 hours. You can go from being overly ecstatic to being totally depressed in a matter of a day. Heck, there’s even a TV show on the theme!

You could meet "the one" in one day. You could spend a day with the person you want to spend it with and end it on a high note. You could find your dream and decide to pursue it in one day. You can forget pain and learn to move on in one day.
You could also lose a friend in a fight you had on one day. You could lose a loved one to death on one day. That dream you have had for years now could get shattered in a day. It is only one day and yet its powers are practically limitless.

Its amazing how different we all use the same time given to us. Everyone is given the same 24 hours, some end up going through the roller coaster of emotions and yet come out successful or accomplished at the end. And yet some of us end on an ebb.
If you had visualized a life that was better, that meant more to you, it is about time you picked it up and ran with it. This could be your one day.  If you thought you needed to get physically fit, and just wanted to start, pick this one day and start! Who drives you? What motivates you to get up in the morning groggy eyed and yet without regret or pain to start doing something? If you've found it, and are afraid to walk the path, decide to walk just 5 steps on that path today.

With the limitation of time, also comes the energy that we use to fill it. If everyone were to follow Tony Schwartz's belief on 'Energy Management' rather than managing just their time, it would make so much sense in what we did. To be able to physically do everything that we mentally set out to do, in a way that agrees with our spiritual mindset and remaining loyal and observant of our emotions in doing it - this is the crux of energy management.

Life has never been easy. Well, maybe in bits and pieces! It usually demands that you meet it all the way, nothing half way will ever impress life. When you have such a demanding boss, it seems inevitable to prepare to be in shape for the same, in all possible forms. For all you know, today might be the last day. And if its not, rejoice! For you still live to see the next day..

 

…

Today

 

 

Today she went from a dear shortened name to the one the whole world knows her by.

Today she went from being the pain I fondly lodged in my heart to the pain I don't know if I want to hold on to.

Today I questioned the love I had for her because I had to question her love for me.

Today I realized the inevitability of the world we live in, how different despite it being the same world.

Today I sought once more her approval, once more to appease her, to see in her eyes the truth I so badly want to find.

Today I sunk the maniac heart to the depths of its madness to see once more if a reason existed to persist.

Today I realized the timelessness of strength and the uselessness of experience in matters of the heart.

Today more than yesterday and much more than the day before, I realized how strong my affinity to her is..

 

…

Riding through hell into eternity

 

 

“I hate public transit. The smell of sweat, bodies gnashing against each other, an occasional motion-sick traveler.. The more I travel by this, the more I want to ensure that sick people are banned from traveling.. Coughing, sneezing, sounds of burps.. I want to put a stop to it all.
And hence, this week I called it quits with public service. If I was going somewhere, it was going to be fueled by my unending desire to get somewhere and the ability of my foot or my bike to take me there.

I am riding right this moment. With the proverbial wind in my crop cut hair and the sound of the engine grunting like a Arabian in its prime. The standup comedy in my head that always goes into overdrive in a public transit is silent now. No running commentary, no deep thoughts, nothing. Just the rhythm of a random song and a catchy beat guide my speed and a tapping foot on the footrest.
Riding alone into a city I've never been to, to stay at a place I haven't heard of, to try to converse in a language that I can only understand in aural terms, to eat a cuisine I've yet to savour fully..the uniqueness of this experience does not overwhelm me.

 

To be closer to the elements, including dust, gives one an old-world feel in his life. It reminds one of a time when gadgets and gizmos didn't rule our schedules, where meeting a person for a cuppa somewhere brought more joy than interacting with them online (whatever the form). Even as my Blackberry rests on silent in my bag pocket,I do not bother checking it. Apart from this and my watch, I've left every other device back home. This trip doesn't warrant communicating with anyone unless absolutely necessary.

 

No faces, no name, no places, no dame – nothing intimidates my memories. It is akin to Bellerophon riding Pegasus to slay the Chimera. Astride this beast, nothing seems impossible, nothing seems out of reach – even the skies are for the taking. Yet common to fate and the ties that bind us both, the machine and me, to the real world, we return home. Knowing fully well that tomorrow will bring with it more of the impossible, and knowing fully well that the strength to overcome it lies not far from oneself.”

 

…