How?

 

 

• How you do you it? How do you make a man feel powerful and vulnerable at the same time? How does every span of time seem shorter when it is associated with you?

• How is it that you can stay so unperturbed while the turmoil in me in eating me whole? How is it that you can smile through your own pain when I can’t even smile through yours?

• How is it possible that I see you everyday and yet yearn to see you one last time more? How difficult will it be with you gone and not having anything to look forward to at each meal?

• How tough is it to walk up to you and tell you everything all at once? How much tougher is it to hold it all within, waiting to explode?

• How convincing can I be when I tell myself that my silence is for the best? How agreeable can I be when I reason that some man will love you more than I do?

• How calm can I be when jealousy swirls at the surface, disturbing every transient memory? How angry can I get when you praise another man, when I can see the lips that do the praising?

• How sane will I be in a few weeks from now, knowing your eyes would not meet mine for a long time to come? How brave will my spirit be, to pick up the pieces scattered plainly around me?

…

Disclosure

 

Been trying to write for a long time now. Half and nearly complete articles that sat in my archive are mercilessly deleted. Starting afresh, here goes--

 

“I believe that merely the passing of time can wear out the edges of anything remotely sharp. Case in point – sharp blades, peaks, anger, excitement. Anything that has attained the attribute of sharpness will wear out with time. But there are certain things that seem alien to the theories that my demented mind keeps peddling. I cannot for one, understand how she continues to maintain her steely cold reserve. The passage of time has had not an iota of effect on any of her actions or thoughts.

I watch her as she walks in each day, composed in thought and bearing a gritty resolve on her face. She works for hours at end,and remains undaunted by the challenges or the drab routines of our lives. An occasional flash of anger immediately subsides without giving away too much. Blinded by my affection for her and bound by my loyalty, I silently observe her actions each day. Not once do our eyes meet for long, but the moments that they share keep me going through the day. Never is there talk beyond the bare civilities that are exchanged on long corridors, but beneath the hushed hellos is a sweetness that I yearn for each morning.

But today was different, she was different today. A cool evening, thick clouds that cover the remnants of twilight, and a playful shower that promised to head back soon. Away from the eyes of the common crowds, she walks up the road to the hill. No rain could stop her, she marched on, resolute. A lone bench eagerly awaits her, but she does not spare the time. She lays her bag on it and walks to the edge of the road. She perched atop the concrete walls that lined the hills. I stood far away, unnoticed, uncertain. In two minds whether to walk up to her in the rain or stay here nestled under a distant tree, a lucid one among them ran scenarios of what could happen.

I watched her as she clutched her chain, tugging at the locket. She looked up at the sky gods in silent rebuke as if she was challenging them to a duel. Anger seemed evident, even from a distance. She did not hold on for long though, for in the patter of the rain I heard sobs from where she stood. A loss, an unshared pain – she held it close in the insolent rain. I had to decide, but it didn’t take much time; at least that is what I can recall of those moments. Before my conflicted mind could decide, I had. I walked away.”

...

Insight,Love; Incite,Loathe

 

It is amazing how Ekta Kapoor (Sorry if I missed an extra ‘k’ or ‘a’ or ‘o’) is able to churn episode after episode of Saas-Bahu drama and people take it all in. They may forget to ask their spouses day  at work but will not forget to discuss that last juicy bit that happened on a TV soap. BTW, have you ever wondered why it is called a ‘soap’?

Why these soaps run well should be no mystery. I mean, C’mon- Rebirth, Plastic surgery (read: Multiple), Bhagvaan’s miracles, the filmi song stuffed with bad TV actors; it is everything that James Cameron can show on a ‘Punarjanmaavataar’ movie and actually win an Oscar this time :D. However, this article is not about TV soaps, it’s something else entirely. Read on.

 

This article would probably make more sense to men, though I am hoping for some feedback from the women. Before I continue ranting, let me break this article up in the phases of the title itself.

 

Phase I : Insight

As infants, we spend a lot of time with our mothers. We begin our lives being ‘physically suggestible’, quite simply meaning we learn in these stages by touching, tasting, biting, and in my case, tearing apart things. We tend to model our behavior and patterns based on our mothers. All of us, gender unbiased. Eventually, we choose other similar role models – father, teachers, seniors, elder siblings. With increasing independence, boys tend to look upon our fathers with more respect and grant them more authority. Though boys go through a stage of disliking/hating their fathers at some point in their teens, till that stage we look upto them for insight, and likewise with other role models.

 

Phase II : Love

We almost always get here at some stage or another. School, college, parties, pre-marriage, post- marriage – irrespective of the location and the Eastman color song sequence, we get there. More often than not, we tend to pick a person quite unlike us- the old ‘Opposites attract’ theory. If you’re timid, you try to pick a confident person. Overly talkative-Quiet Listener. Free spirit-studious Class topper. And so on. Similarities exist, but cores are opposite. Psychologists have termed it as our ‘sexual personalities’. Try it on the time-tested couples around you – parents, relatives, friends.

At this phase of life, your male role model forms your viewpoint in your inexplicable attraction to a particular girl. If your model is your Dad, you will tend to be attracted to women with personalities similar to your mother.

 

Phase III: Incite

I just used this because it sounded similar to Insight and made the title much cooler. Anyway here goes. If by some weird stroke of luck, you end up marrying the woman you chose, and happen to live with your parents under the same roof, things are going to get pretty hot. Two women under the same roof with similar natures will cause a ruckus, no matter what you try to avert it. Again, the old ‘Likes repel’ theory. Each one will inadvertently incite you by presenting a viewpoint that seems logical and correct, and you end up confused. 

 

Phase IV: Loathe

The growing cracks get bigger and bigger, till Saas-Bahu are at it all the time. Meanwhile, you are turning hairless from all the tension and hair clutching!

 

 

 

 

So you see, we men are responsible for the Saas-Bahu fights in households. It may not be as common today in split households, but still holds good elsewhere. Wake up men. Before you fall in to something you can’t crawl out of, analyze the ‘would-be’ with the ‘has-been’. The ‘what-can-be' may not be all that pleasant. Fair warning aside, you will still fall there. So might as well toughen up. :D

Cheers. Or not.

 

…

8 Lessons from Jim Braddock

 

I’m sure everyone has that one movie that they keep going back to. No matter how many times you’ve seen it, you wouldn’t mind another watch. You cry and laugh, get inspired, resolve to be a better human, decide to er… take up boxing, and so on.

My one movie is ‘The Cinderella Man’. Russell Crowe stars as Jim Braddock in the movie, and there could not be a more convincing portrayal of Braddock ever. (If you haven’t already seen it, slap yourself twice and go see it as soon as you can!) I have posted a little background info about Jim Braddock here, if you’re interested.

There are valuable insights in the movie that could put some perspective in your lives too. Here’s my take on the lessons from this Ron Howard masterpiece-

1. Family comes first: Line right out of a Godfather movie. Braddock was one of the millions affected by the Great Depression. The man who was touted to be the next big boxer, was led by fate and a spate of injuries to sheer poverty. His priority was straight, keep his family well at any cost. When many men dumped their wives and children and fled to other states looking for jobs, Braddock stayed on. He worked on docks, in bars, would shovel snow, fix houses – all kinds of menial jobs to get by. All this because he did not want his family to suffer.

 

2. Love is all you need: Braddock found his love in Mae, who was a constant  support in his pursuits. Their love for each other and their kids gave them the strength to overcome the toil they were subject to. Even when they were down in the dumps, they made sure to spend time with their kids and teach them that values were paramount in life. Braddock was very well off before the depression, but despite the turn of events he never treated his family any differently. A poignant scene is when their young son decided to steal some meat for the family, and Braddock advises him on the street. (I get very senti here!)

 

3. Friends are your strengths: Jim Braddock and Joe Gould, his manager were the best of friends till their last days. They even enlisted in the army together. Gould was absolutely loyal to Braddock. When his career hit the skids, Jimmy told Gould to go find some other, more profitable fighter to manage but Gould refused. Even when evidence was scant, Gould always believed in Braddock’s potential, that he could turn it around and whip any comer. When Braddock was down during the Depression, it was Gould’s unflagging persistence that secured Braddock his match with Corn Griffin so that he could earn $250. Gould also setup fights with his subsequent opponents and hence, helped revive Braddock's career. The shy, soft-spoken Braddock was perfectly complimented by street-smart motor-mouth Gould.

 

4. Hustlers rule: Max Baer was a killer in the ring, literally. He had killed two men during his fight with them. When Braddock secured a chance to battle for the title against Max Baer, he secluded himself in the Catskill mountains to prepare for the fight. His routine was rigorous and disciplined. He ran 8 to 10 miles every morning, then shadowboxed and jumped rope, sparred, and shadow boxed some more. The press dubbed his training camp “Homicide Hall” as Braddock’s training regimen was more brutal than anything they had ever covered. Gould had brought in the very best sparring partners available, and he threw a fresh one at Braddock with every round, constantly keeping the boxer on his toes. Braddock packed on 10 pounds of pure punching power during the camp.

 

5. Calm beyond ability: Braddock was a picture of calm as he stepped into the ring. This stemmed from the confidence and poise he had acquired for having left no stone unturned in preparation. Baer expected Braddock to be nervous and slow to start, but Braddock began swinging immediately. Braddock was known to take the toughest hits and still be standing. He had never been knocked out. (Eventually he was knocked out, but that was almost at the end of his career when he lost the title to Joe Louis). As one contemporary newspaperman put it, “Serene was Braddock and unafraid. There was about him an inspiring calmness that transcended his ability.” He was so calm before the heavyweight championship that he laid down in his dressing room and took a nice nap. Now that’s calm.

 

6. Weaknesses into strengths: Braddock fractured his right hand (his regular boxing arm) in three places during a fight. This was in fact the point when he had to “retire” from boxing. When Braddock worked at the docks during his “retirement” he was forced to use his left hand while his right hand healed. This greatly strengthened his left hand and when he returned to boxing, he found that his left jab had finally turned into a potent and powerful weapon. Instead of ignoring your weaknesses, work on overcoming them and sometimes they can become your greatest strengths.

 

7. Relish being an Underdog: A man who is down and out can simply resign himself to always being on the bottom, or he can use his failures to spur his comeback. Braddock chose the latter. The odds on the Braddock/Baer showdown were 10 to 1, the biggest in heavyweight history. Braddock was always the underdog. Heck, he enjoyed being one! Braddock had the hunger of a man who took absolutely nothing for granted. He thought about all he had been through-the booing crowds, the mercilessly journalists, the injuries, the grinding poverty-and used it as fuel. He wanted to show all the naysayers that they were wrong for writing him off. And all his life, he did just that.

 

8. Personal Responsibility: During the Great Depression, the U.S. government used to provide relief for people who could not earn. This was the last resort and people would feel like failures taking them. He held out as long as he could, trying to make do with his meager earnings from working on the docks, but he was behind in paying the milkman, his rent, and the utilities. Considering the risk he was putting his family through, he puts his name on the relief rolls. Braddock saw the checks he got each month as a loan, not a handout. He carefully kept track of how much he received, intending to pay it all back once he got back on his feet. After he started his comeback and beat John Henry Lewis, he went the next day to have his name taken off the relief rolls. And when he beat Art Lasky, he went to pay back all that he had received. This was unusual, even for the time. But Braddock took honor and personal responsibly seriously.

 

This was my learning from ‘The Cinderella Man’. Which movie moves you on  a visceral level? Which is your ‘one’ movie? Or are there several?  Let me know. Leave a comment.

 

…

Sources

+/-

1. Cinderella Man

2. Wiki

3. Jim Braddock Site

4. Braddock V/s Baer fight videos

…

Unforgettable..

 

 

"Today my journey back home seems longer than usual. Work was always drab, but nothing that a little music and a little solvent wouldn’t help dissolve. No, it wasn’t that. Today is the day I started hating my subconscious. Imagine the hate you have for the worst person you have known, now multiply that by a zillion times and you might be able to understand the hate I am feeling right now.

It is really ironical how some faces from the past get glued to our subconscious. Do you have that one face that haunts you in everything you do? As if parental critique wasn’t enough all your life as a kid, that once face that makes everything seem not good enough. When on certain mornings you wake up with a dream about this person, and you can’t face the mirror without the thought of shattering it several times. I have a good family, a loving wife, two adorable kids, then why does this face from the past haunt me?

It could not be that I’m not happy with my life, because I am. It is something else entirely. Someone has to find a way to switch off dreams because my mind is bordering on the psychotic. She is practically dead to me, she passed on a long while back, or so I believed. When was the last time you woke up with a dream that you were sure would come true? When was the last time you felt fear in each of your actions? I feel that every single day.  My workspace, my family, my morning jog, the evening mug – nothing is sacred anymore. She has taken over them all.

Dreams. They are said to be mind’s way of unwinding into a state resembling normality. Normal. That word does not even mean much for me anymore. I would gladly settle for ‘depressed’ right now. On my ride home, street lights pass me by with a constant tempo, sounds similar to a baseball bat hovering over my head. I am gripped with fear each time the bus stops, fearing a strong blow to my head. Maybe I should deal with it. A blow to the head is probably what I need.

Going home each day, I face my family with a smile so fake, it pains me to even bring it on. Years have passed, and I have slipped deeper and deeper into this dungeon of mine. No ray of hope, no voice to reassure me. Darkness shrouds me, darkness embraces me…"

 

…

P.s: This is a fictional write up! A similar post is here. A movie set me on a thought process and I ended up imagining this. Do tell me what you make of it – problem, solution, criticism, anything.